Do you ever feel like you are spiraling down a dark tunnel of negativity? Negative self-talk seems to be the source of those moments, so much of the time.
It seems so easy for us to fall into & get stuck in our negative thoughts. We have critical thoughts about different situations, the people we interact with & mostly about ourselves.
So often, we wish we could be better mothers, wives. friends and just overall better people. All this self-criticism drains your energy & even raises our stress levels.
I found eye-opening information on Verywellmind.com
“Negative self-talk can affect us in some pretty damaging ways. Studies have linked negative self-talk with higher levels of stress and lower levels of self-esteem. This can lead to decreased motivation as well as greater feelings of helplessness. This type of critical inner dialogue has even been linked to depression, so it’s definitely something to fix.”
We have the power to change our lives for the better. Let’s go over the how to’s.
How To Stop Negative Self-Talk
There are 4 steps to change your negative self-talk habit:
#1 Check Yourself
Realizing your self-criticism is the first step. Negativity often sneaks up on us. Be aware and recognize your feelings, know that if your feeling irritated or upset you will most likely start negative self-talk.
Just like when we are mad at others and we say things about them that we don’t mean, we also tend to say mean things to ourselves that are not true in moments of anger.
Look inward & recognize how you are feeling. It is Okay to feel this way.
#2 Say It Ain’t So
Admit this criticism isn’t true. Even if you don’t believe it at the time, tell yourself “______ is not true. I am just mad & I know I am worth more than this.”
Say you just yelled at your kids for something, you have asked them to do for the 50th time. You finally snapped & yelled like a madwoman, now you feel guilty. So you say to yourself:
” I am such a MEAN Mom, I am ALWAYS yelling at them. My kids probably HATE me!”
For this step, you will want to stop & think about what you just said (or thought) & really think about all the examples that prove this isn’t true.
You are not a mean mom, you feed them, love them & do all you can every day to make sure they are having a good childhood.
You do not always yell at them… before your freaked out, you actually asked them nicely 49 times, right?!!!
Your kids do not hate you. They love you, they may not always show their appreciation but you are the center of their universe.
It is totally normal to feel this way, just recognize you are angry & we all say things we don’t mean in anger. Just remember to move on & not live in this shitty moment.
#3 Perspective Switch
Find the good in the situation. “My kids are loud, and wild sometimes, but I am grateful they are healthy” or “This is just a speed bump to help me grow”
Changing your perspective gives you the opportunity to pull yourself out of the darkness.
Try to think of the situation in a more realistic way, like the example above.
Going over what you’re grateful for in the situation, can help you switch from irritated to glad, as long as you give it a genuine try.
#4 Practice Practice Practice
This change of mental routine takes time & is not easy in the beginning. But, doing the work can change your self-confidence in ways you didn’t think were possible.
It takes diligent practice. You might not be able to remember these steps, let alone do them every time. That is ok, do what you can. Give yourself some grace.
Think about how inaccurate & exaggerated these statements might be. Start by recognizing your feelings (check yourself), admit it isn’t true (say it ain’t so), find what you’re grateful for at the moment (perspective switch) & last, practice every day.
You are worth the work. The best part, in my opinion, is that as you learn these better mental routines, you can teach them to your kids.
All Moms hope their kids feel self-confident & grow to know their worth. This practice is a great place to start.
Check out some more self-care practices in this post.
You got this!